Rodent Report (Volume 2)

Welcome back! We hope you are forgiving for the delay, but we got it up anyways, right? Well, rodentians went WILD over the last report, so now we got another exciting edition! Get ready, get prepared for....

Rodent Report

Cheezer- Welcome back to another exciting edition of Rodent Report. I'm Cheezer, your host. But you should all know that by now. Today we shall be covering everything in the last edition, plus more. More detail, more news, more sports, more,more, MORE!!!!! Mwuhahahahaha!!!!!!!! I shall rule the world! I shall-

Stage crew- Calm down!!!!!!

Cheezer- Oh. Oh dear. I am standing on my desk, I hope I did not frighten anyone. It must have been that all you can drink Pepsi stand on the way in. Gotta avoid that stuff. Well, here's Ears with the news. Over to you, Ears.

Ears- Goooood evvvvvvvening! Here's Ears, bringing you the news! Today our story is not lost in a pile of junk paper, so say this with me: "Ears is DA rabbit!" Go Ears, go Ears, go Ears.....

Stage crew- Get on with newsflash!!!!!!

Ears- Oh, right on! I'll just take it from- WAIT!!! My newsflash is gone! Oh, no! It must have flown away while I was celebrating for NOT losing it! Bad, stupid Ears!!!!!!! Back to Cheezer! BACK TO CHEEZER!!!!!

Cheezer- Okay, while Ears is gaining sanity, I'd like to have a brief musical moment by Ratzo and Rizo Rats. They are performing "Ratzopurple and RizoPinkie" which was released onto CD by our sponser, Snickers the Anteater and Co.! Now, live from out studio, it's Ratzo and Rizo!

Ratzopurple and Rizopinkie,
Were a very dorky couple of rats,
As housing builders, high-tech employees,
And when they’re bored, they are weavers of mats.

We hardly ever see a ray of sunlight,
We only see the light of a computer screen,
We are working for Microsoft, and Sony too,
And love to see the sales of their awesome machines!

When our boss is looking for a helping hand,
Since sales are decreasing ever a lot.
We will hear his cry for someone’s help now,
And there we will be! Right on the spot!

And then he will say with a voice full of glee,
“I’m so thankful for your help to me!”
And then we’ll be gone from his office like that!
Then the company will say, “It’s that honorable rat!”

It was Ratzopurple, or Rizopinkie,
And there’s nothing at all to be done about that!

Ratzopurple and Rizopinkie,
Are top of the class at bein’ real sneaky!
And some days they are full of dullness,
And then the next they are crazy and kinky!

We’ll go through the office like turning power on,
And we’re never noticed, since we’re undergrowth!
Was it Ratzopurple or Rizopinkie?
Or could you have sworn that it was fixed by both?

And if you hear a glitch go boom!
Or there’s high speed Internet so your laptop can zoom!
Or if a virus simply goes ping!
From a site that sells the vases of Ming.

Then the company will say,
It was fixed by which rat?

It was Ratzopurple,
AND Rizopinkie,
And there’s nothing at all to be done about that!

Cheezer- Beautiful song your two! Now, I think Ears has stopped sobbing like, like, like, well, you know. Even if you don't, back to Ears.

Ears- Hello again. I have found my report, and it has some dirt, grass stains, and some pigeon....ew. Well, if you look around the white stuff, it says to mark your calendars, since April 30th is Honor your Mayor Day! In celebration, my sweetie, Minksy (owner of the Rodentia Random and Fun Fact File) is going to give us some random facts strait from the files themsleves! Over to you, Minksykins!

Minksy- Aww, Ears, you big doof. Well, here's Minksy on the air, bringing you the facts! I have dug (and dug and dug) in my files, and here are some random facts about the holidays. Some may think these facts aren't so fun or are way too random, but you're listening to this radio show, so you asked for it! Well, anyways, here are my random facts:

1. Rodentia has no clear mayor to honor, but the local town that might become part of Rodentia someday has a mayor, Mayor Ooter of Ottertown! He is 100% fine with being honored by the residents of Rodentia.

2. Honor your Mayor Day started when the first mayor of Rodentia, Swiss von Maustail, wanted a bit more respect from the locals.

3. Von Maustail made it clear that you may not eat American cheese on Honor your Mayor Day. It is said that this rule is here because his stomach couldn't take the cheese properly. Our own reporter, Cheezer, is supposedly the heir of Mr. Von Maustail, and that is why he has the same problem, yet it happens more suddenl-

Cheezer- That's quite enough, Minksy! And you did not hear that, all you listeners. Don't speak of it! I demand! Now, it's Pellet's turn, and he shall be telling us the entertainment for tonight. It's over to you, Pellet!

Pellet- Thank you, Cheezer. Okay, listen up, folks. The legendary band, Mousetallica, has--I hope you're sitting down, espeicially if you are driving, since you can't really view the front window while standing, and something quite bad could happen......back to the subject. Mousetallica is playing at the Squirrel Square Park Stadium. MOUSETALLICA!! IN CONCERT!!! SOME KIND OF MOUSE! CHEESE STICK! ST. CHEEZER! All playing! Buy your tickets! They'll run out quickly, so buy them now! But listen to this announcement full way first! I'm part of Mousetallica! And Cheezer! Plus Pat and Pux! We're all playing in it, and you thought we were just little furry newsreporters, didn't you? HA!!! Then you were wrong! We won! Humans lost! HA! HA! HA! hahahahahahaha!!!!!! Now, let's see how many tickets are still for sale.
Sorry, folks, all sold out. You should have bought them while you could instead of listening to this stupid announcement. But I told you to listen to it full way! Oh, I'm such a bad boy! Bad Pellet, bad, bad, BAD!!!!!!! Sorry. I shall go into this corner for now. Back to *sniffle* Cheezer...

Cheezer- Don't feel bad, Pellet. It's our band, we can give others tickets. It'll be all right. Now, we have a special guest that will be with us every once in awhile. If we kept the same headlines all the time, we'd be dull. These rodents want difference, excitement, surprise! Here's our surprise guest, Alfred the Kinkajou with Ask Alfred. Now, let's get some answers, Alfred!

Alfred- Thank you. Today, we have the following letter:

Dear Alfred,

I've been planting flowers around my house, but they keep dying. I give them sunscreen, shade, milk and juice, occasional snacks, and massages. They keep on dying. Now my friends are coming over for a fancy dinner in 2 weeks! How do I make my garden grow?

Signed,
Not-so-much-of-the-green-thumb

Hmm. Common problem. But ah, plants do not wish snacks, juice, or a massage. Water and sunlight are the keys to a beautiful garden. That was Ask Alfred. Back to you, Cheezer.

Cheezer- Well, duh, doesn't everyone know that? Why didn't you choose the one about lion training, flying, or dancing the tango? Well, it's your part, but keep it interesting! Last but not least, here's Pat with sports news.

Pat- Uhh, I dunno. Back to you, Cheezer.

Cheezer- This show is a failiure! Pellet weeping, Ear's losing his paper, Pat forgetting his lines, Alfred going dull, and Minksy making me look like an idiot! Well, since I'm the only one standing, I'm going to go down to that corner, and get in a little sobbing before the Mousetallica show. Oh, and you can have free entry, since you couldn't buy your tickets. Well, until next time, this is Cheezer, signing off.

*jazzy ending music*

[This show was brought to you in part by Snickers the Anteater and Co. Meep, meep, meep, meep!]

Rodent Report (Volume 1)

Here ye, Here ye!

It's Pellet and Cheezer on the air! Bringing YOU the latest of rodents! That's right! Here on the new radio station, Rodent Report, you'll hear the hottest rodent songs from the coolest soundtracks, daily (or weekly) news from the smallest city in the world, Rodentia, world of rodents, critters, and the sort. (Really, it's like the size of a human bedroom.) So, well, erm, that's pretty much it. Now, *ahem* Pellet and Cheezer, action!

Cheezer- Good evening lemmings and gentlemice-

Backstage crew- Ladies, gentlemen!!

Cheezer- Oh. Well, whatever. You forget a thing or two when you're a rodent. Okay, newsflash from our reporter, Ears rabbit!

Ears- Goooood evvvvvening! It's Ears here, bringing you the news! Okay, here's our story, umm, no, here it is, *looks through paper pile* Ah, yes, here it is! Now, onward! We are reviewing George the Hamster, award winning author of the new hit, I'm a Hamster, nothing less. So, George, what gave you the inspiration to write this fantastic novel?

George- Well, erm, uh, I wanted to, uh, tell the world that um, hamsters are great. Yeah, that's right.....

Ears- Very, very emotionable. Did you hear that, listeners?

George- No, it's nothing, I only wanted to, to, to, um, to let listeners know that it was a hamster who founded Rodentia. Sir Pellet Von Hamstergold.

Ears- 'Kay, whatever. That was a newsflash from Ears. Back to you, Cheezer.

Cheezer- Thank you, Ears. Now, everyone read I'm a Hamster, nothing less today! Or tomorrow. Or whenever you get to the bookstore or library or something. As our crew fixes up for the next part of the show, please enjoy a musical moment by Rosa and Flinch Guinea Pig. As always, they shall sing the new hit song, Flinch the Psychologist Rat, created with the help of our sponsor, Snickers the Anteater and Co. Hit it, Flinch!

"Flinch is the rat at the psychologist's door,
He's scared of everything, even the floor.
His real name's Asparagus, but he is afraid of that too,
So we usually call him just Flinch.

He is vegetarian, so he won't eat steak,
Since he suffers from frostbite, which makes his paws shake.
Yet he did in his youth make the best meats in the land,
But now he's terrified of flames and of pans.

For he isn't the rat that he was in his prime,
Yet in adventure and cookery his name was as sharp as a lime,
For he was a hero, and a famous cook too,
He'd save a street rat from starving, help a young mouse tie his shoe.

But his grandest adventure, as he loves to tell,
Was beating the leader of weasels, 'till his army fell.

I have cooked, in my time, every possible dish,
And I used to know 70 recipes with fish.
I'd spice it up properly, so it was evenly spread,
Then surprised my best chum with supper in bed.

And I knew how to help,
With my ears and my tail,
With an hour of warm up I never could fail.

I had a pan that would delight, the hardest to feed,
Whether I was the help cook or I took the lead.

Now I scream by the bedside of poor little Nell,
When I thought I was steady I fell off the bell!
And when seasoning was short, my cooking never fell flat,
And I once filled the stomach of Duke Ellington's rat.

But my grandest adventure, as history will tell,
Was when I beat the leader of weasels, 'till his army fell.

Now if someone will give him a pinchful of juice,
He will tell how he once saved a forest of spruce,
After a mouse once saved from a whole pack of cats,
A mountain expert then said the need for a rat.

And I think that these small rats, they are not as trained,
As we were in the days when clouds were white when it rained.
They don't learn what to do when they're faced with a cat,
And all I can say is, "Those lucky small rats!"

And he says as he uses his claws to scratch his fur,
"Well, all the rescues are certainly not what they were."
These modern stories are all very well.
But there's noting to equal from what I hear tell,

That moment of history,
That was none but a mystery,
Beating the leader of weasels,
'Till his army fell."

Cheezer- Welcome back! Let's give the two hardworking Guinea Pigs a round of applouse! Unless, you're listening to this while driving, in which I do not advise taking your hands and mind off the road if you wish to avoid an accident. Anywho, now a word from our sponser, Snickers the Anteater and Co.!

Snickers- Meep meep meep meep, meep meep.

Cheezer- Very nice, Snickers. I'm sure our viewers are delighted by your clear anouncement. Now, onto Pellet with entertainment for tonight!

Pellet- At Ferret Close Theatre, there will be two performances of RATS. If you pefer some cool hip hop music, Cavy Road will be hosting a concert from Cavys, which is playing from their newest CD, Groundhog Days. Plus, The Hamster Opera is showing a performace of Les Mice, and are selling prime front row seats in the middle at half price! Buy them now!!!!! Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Quite a selection. I'm hittin' Cavy Road after this, I love Cavys!!! Well, Pat the groundhog has sports news. Over to you, Patricia.

Pat- I'm MALE! So It's PAT! Not PATRICIA!!!! Oh, sorry there, listeners. At Squirrel Square park, the Rodentia Rabbit Feet beat the Stink Skunks 38 to 72. Oh, wait, then the Stink Skunks won. Darn it, I like Rodentia Rabbit Feet. Now to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Well, listeners, all good things must end. Which stinks on ice!!!! Well, goodbye, until next time....

*jazzy ending music*