Night duty over. Pellet, your turn....

[This newsflash was brought to you by offical Top Secret Assosiation Rondents (TSARs)]

Cheezer- How is base, TSAR Ears?

Ears- Quiet.

Pux- Too quiet.

Flinch- Isn't that a good thing?

Stinky- You'd think so....

Cheezer- Shut up, skunk!

Stinky- I don't smell that bad!

Cheezer- Then why does it take 5 hours to go down the street and take out the trash? 'Cause you roll in it!

Ears- SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*pounding of feet and clacking of claws*

Cheezer- Ears, you idiot!

Ears- I'm sorry!

Strange Creature- Woof!

Ears- Oh no!

Stinky- It's....

Pellet- The.....

Flinch- DOG!!!!!!



Dog- Woof!

TSARs- AHHHH!!!!!!

------------------------------------

TV Announcer rat- The rest of this fotage is too awful to be seen on this program. The basic plotline: The rodents are faced with a dog. That's pretty much it. You can stop listining. I don't get paid enough for you to keep listining. TURN OFF THE STUPID RADIO ALREADY!

Camera- *turns off*

*turns back on, new announcer*]

New rat- Well, we fired the other guy, and he got a job at Chuck-E-Cheese or something. Ah, what is this?

Flinch- Can we keep her? Please? Pretty please?

Ears & Pux- Aw, why not?

Flinch- Yay!

New rat- The rodents and the dogs are friends.....now. Oh, and here is the cat.....with the head of a costume for dogs?



Cat- Meow!

Pellet- Cat or chicken? I'm so confused!

New rat- Well, happy endings for all but Pellet; poor little guy's confused out of his mind. That's all for today.

*Sharp ending music*

Castraphobe at the silly Rat umbrella lending establishment

Live from Castraphobe at the silly Rat umbrella lending establishment (And other pointless media), or C.A.T.S.R.U.L.E., here's your current show host, Ratzo!

Ratzo- Hey, hey, hey! It's Ratzo here, live from C.A.T.S.R.U.L.E. stud.....hey, who was the Einstin who made this name anyway? The inicials spell CATS RULE!!!!!!!

Cat- Well, they do.

Ratzo- Shut up! Well, here's my show, where you can here me talk about good ol' me. Isn't this exciting?

Cameracrew- *whisper* At least he knows sarcasim....

Ratzo- It's true! I'm a very interesting rat, do you hear me? I'm INTERESTING!

Cameracrew- Sheesh.

Ratzo- Yeah. Hmm, lets see. Aha! I'll tell you all about how I came to live with my current family of geeks-

Ratzo's mom (A.K.A. editor)- Ratzo, you have to remeber that time Snickers saved your life!

Ratzo- Hehehe, sorry, Mom! I'll tell you all about that another time. Now, where were we.....ah ye-

Snickers- MEEP!!!!

Ratzo- Snickers? What the heck are you doing here? This is my show!

Snickers- Meep meep meep meep meep meep, meep, meep. MEEP!

Ratzo- Uh-huh? Oh, you idiot, your act isn't until Tuseday! TUSEDAY!

Snickers- Meep. *Walks off stage*

Ratzo- Well, now that's over with, let's start that memory. Ah, yes.....

---------------------

I was reading a clip from the classifids one day, and noticed an ad that rather amused me:

WANTED:
Loveable, stupid, over-afraid, over-protective, too-smart-for-his-own-good, smelly, dirty, germ-freak, or mean rodent. Reward: $20. Please call 1800-RODENT-HOME today is interested.

Hmm. I was too smart for my own good, and was rich enough to be a germ freak. So I packed my bags, quit my job at Microsoft-

Mom- You said you were fired!

Ratzo- I'll explain in another episode. Oh, yeah, then I called the number and said I'll be over there tommorow, and to pick me up at the train station.

"How will I notice you; you're a rodent!" The ad-poster said.

I told her that she would see me. And boy, did she see me, all right.......

(To be continued)

Rodent Report (Volume 4)

Hiya, welcome back to the show! I'm suprised we even made it this far, most rodent radio shows go out out of businiss by now. I guess we're better than them, and it feels good to be better. Well, get ready, and be perpared for........

Rodent Report

Cheezer- Zzzzzz.....zzzzzz....zzz- oh-what-when-where-WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE? BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE CAMERAS! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF PRIVACY?!?!

Stage crew- Shut up, it's Rodent Report time!

Cheezer- Ooopsies. Welcome back to another edition of Rodent Report! I'm Cheezer, your host who did not just see me freak out. I also was not sleeping on the job. Well, maybe, but not deeply. Just resting my eyes. Yeah, mice need the extra sparkle, yeah, yeah, I like cupcakes, yeah, yeah, do you, yeah? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Stage crew- You're hopeless. Pellet, take Cheezer's spot for now.

pellet- Okay. *Goes on set* Hello, and welcome to another exciting edition of Rodent Report. I'm Pellet, your substitute host. To get this over quickly, here's a newsflash by Ears. Your turn Ears.

Ears- NO! I refuse to give my newsflash. It's a free country. IT's A FREE COUNTRY, DARN IT!!!!!!

Cheezer- *wakes up* SHUT UP EARS AND GIVE THE STINKING NEWREPORT!

Ears- NO!

Cheezer- YES!

Ears- NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Cheezer- Yes, Yes, YES!!!!! *pounces on Ears and begins tugging*

Ears- AHHH! Don't pull my ears!

Cheezer- I'll put on your ears if I feel like it!

Pellet- Well, I'll give the newsflash, i guess. *straightens tie*

Guinea pig found guilty of Theft

THE BRIGHTINGS, RODENTIA- Yesterday at Paro's Pillows for all Purposes, the guina pig Hank Kerchief was caught stealing pillows. When we forced him to spill the beans, we got invaluable information.

"Fine. I was going to stuff the pillows with caffine powder and get high for the heck of it. The ferret Krystal Shanda Leer designed the whole method after watching "Wait until Dark". Not giving anything else."

And he didn't. The Possum Police left the scene in attempt to find miss Krystal Leer. As for Hank, he's going down as history as the first cavy ever behind bars. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Wow, Pellet, that was incredible. And back over to Pellet for tonight's entertainment.

Pellet- Already? Aw, fine. Well, The signups have been filled, and tonight at the Fenic Fox School of Dance, the first annual dance competition will be held. The way the dancers are going? Dance Dance Revolution. There will be only versus, no doubles. The songs will get harder as they go, and here are the matchings for round one:

Cheezer vs. Minksey, performing "Oops!..I did it Again"
Flinch vs. Pux, performing "I Will Survive"
Howl vs. Pat, performing "Get Busy"
Sella vs. Screaming Mimi performing "Geine in a Bottle"
Ratzo vs. Rizo performing "speed over Bethoven"
Mandy vs. Cousin Pawn performing "Walk Away"

The matches for round two? Only time will tell. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Well, considering that I'm insane, Ears is refusing to do anything but whine and moan that his ears hurt, and Pellet's done the whole show, I think we should wrap it up. Your ideas, Pellet?

Pellet- Swell idea.

Cheezer- Well, goodbye until next time on another Rodent Report!

*jazzy ending music*

Rodent Spotlight

(A whole Report Article couldn't fit into the show. Well, since everything from the show must be typed, we are putting it up anyways. )

[Now, for your host, Mandy the Fennic Fox!]

Welcome, and thank you for listening. This is my first spotlight, and I had to think about it. My best friend, Howl the wolf? Pellet the hamster, my bud who I always count on to eat the leftovers from Howl's many steak dinners, or Flinch, the guinea pig who seems to be ignored? I took a mock poll, and didn't tell the public it was backwards. Here were the results:

Howl: 23 votes
Pellet: 56 votes
Flinch: 3 votes

So Flinch won. I interviewed him personally, asking him about his house, job, friends, all the like. I took careful notes as Flinch explained his story to me. Here is what you would see in my notebook, put in full sentences.

Flinch's History

Flinch was born on Friday the Thirteenth, 1999. He doesn't remember the month, but he would like to think it's May. He says he likes the month of May. Warm outside, with lots of pretty flowers. But he doesn't like to remember which month for certain reasons. He had 2 sisters and 1 brother. They were Lilly, Liz, and Hank. His mom's name was Gretta Guinea Pig, with his dad being Calvin Cavy. He truly was named Dare. "I was daring when I was younger, very good at cooking for the family, and rescuing my siblings from the other pets," Flinch said. When his current owners took him home, he was renamed Flinch, since he suddenly got nervous going to a different house. Here are Flinch history Fast Facts:

1. Do you recongize something about his younger personality? That's right, Flinch the Psychologist Rat was based on his younger days, full of rescues and cooking.

2. Flinch used to be all brown. When leaving his siblings and mom, some of his fur turned pale. He got pale too often, so now parts of him are pure white.

3. Flinch used to not be afraid of groundhogs, until he met his newest sibling, Pat.

Now, onto everyday Flinch.

Flinch works at The Fluff Factory, where soft, safe machines are used to make pillows and quilts. He uses some earnings to continue his psychology lessons. He lives in a clean, neat, and bright apartment in the Eastern side of Rodentia, the Brightings, with his friend, Rosa. They have much in common, since they are both afraid of rubber bands. They use chopsticks to pick up all bands and properly place them in the recycling. They don't throw anything away, since they think it hurts the poor rodent empire more than needed. Rosa also has a job, she is a popular rodent author. On the rodent newspaper, which you are reading this very instant, you can sometimes find her stories. She is trying to earn a Rodent Red Carpet award for best author, but is in competion with the author of I'm a Hamster, Nothing Less. They still live in this apartment, and are still working to improve it.

(You can go to the first Rodent Report to read the poem about Flinch's life: "Flinch, the Psychologist Rat.")

Rodent Report (Volume 3)

Here's Rodent Report again! Today, we'll try to not have so many weeping rodents, both broadcasters and listeners laughing their heads off at our forgetfulness. We are still going to try to have you laugh your heads off, but not in such a sad way for us little reporters. Well, now, it's time for.....

Rodent Report

Cheezer- Welcome back! The Mousetallica concert was a hit, so I'm feelin' good! We are NOT going to mess things up this time! It'll be great! This is going to be the best Christmas pageant ev-

Stage Crew- Best VOLUME ever!!!!!

Cheezer- Oops. Well, you get my point. Now, to Ears, with Nation Rodentia News. Your turn at the mic, Ears.

Ears- Gooooood evvvvvvvvvvvening! Here's Ears, bringing you the news! Today's story is how to address Mayor Oooter when he's eaten too much chocolate....this does not sound right. This is to be for volume 4's Ask Alfred! Wait, did I give something away? If I did, ignore me as I fly to the trees and fight the birds for my newsflash. *Uses ears to fly into trees* *Snatches paper from robin* *Listens to birds complain and flies down*
Now, here we are. It says, "Guinea Pig rescued from tall building by a quesadilla."
Mr. Lynn Guinea Pig was rescued yesterday by his wife's cooking. He was repairing the roof of their apartment building and slipped. While he was hanging on and too scared to say a word, his wife threw up a chicken quesadilla and he screamed from the burning, since it was fresh from the oven. Helicopters heard the ear-piercing scream and took the poor guinea pig to safety. In his honor for surviving the terrifying height, a party was thrown shortly afterwards, serving none other than his wife's chicken quesidilla. Sadly, Mr. Lynn did not attend the party, for he was in his first of a long line of therapy sessions. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- You know you can catch a remake of that on the popular rodent show 'Rodent 911'? Well, now I would like to have Nibbler the rabbit give us a book review on a new popular book by Rosa. Your turn, Nibbler.

Nibbler- Good day. I and my sweetie, Nibblet, run the Rodentia bookstore and library, which is half bookstore, half library. No wonder we have to run it together. Well, I just read the new book by Rosa De Guinea, which has been out for only 1 month and has already won the Newsnickers award. I'd like to interview Mrs. De Rosa, since all rodents who read this book will be taken by its plot of a young guinea pig's friendship with a young anteater. Can you guess which book it is?

Nibblet: Huckleberry Flinch.

Nibbler- You're right, Nibblet. It's Huckleberry Flinch by Rosa De Guinea. She also wrote the bestsellers Tom Cheezer and Ears of Green Gables. She also wrote the book A Guinea Pig's Guide to the World Around You: Groundhogs, Traffic, and Rubber Bands. Now it's time for Rosa's interview.

Rosa- Good afternoon. I'm Rosa, writer of Huckleberry Flinch. When I saw guinea pigs who were afraid of the color yellow become such good friends with anteaters, I got inspired. Yet some brave, strong rodentians don't see how perfect anteaters and their majestic 'meep' are. This book tells you that the names can change when it comes to the true meaning of friendship. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Beautiful. Rosa has really got herself a talent to be proud of. Wait, I sound mature! This can't be! I'm supposed to sound stupid! As I get my act together, here's Pellet with the night's entertainment. Now to Pellet.

Pellet- We'd like to say that Goldenham Park is hosting a Cheezer concert and Maustail Stadium is playing Snicker's and Putt's Ye Olde Country Bande. Movies at 7:30 P.M. at Mouse Movie theatre are as follows:
Theatre one: Cheeks
Theatre two: Harry Acorn and the Chamber of Cheese
Theatre three: Mean Squirrels
Theatre four: Mice Age
Theatre five: Ratso Horror Picture Show
Theatre six: Cheese Kong

Auditions for The Phantom of the Rodent House are still going on. Apply while you still can! And The Hamster Theatre still needs a ValMaus for its production of Les Mice. Oh, and some rabbits are needed for Ze Stinke Cheese Theatre's showing of Hare.

Cheezer- Very nice. I was in Cheese Kong. One of the screaming pedestrians. Well, it's time for our special guest, Screaming Mimi with Deep in Destiny. It shows your fortune for today! Now to Mimi.

Mimi- Ah!!!!!! It is Screaming Mimi, vith today's fortune. Ah, and vehold! Now, to my secret stash ov secrets. Todays fortune: "Ven you grow a foot, vhy don't you ave three veet now? All you do ish get tollar." Zat vas today's fortune.

Cheezer- 'kay, that was weird. And cut out the gypsie accent.

Mimi- Sorry.

Cheezer- Now on to Pat with sports. On t-

Ears- FLASH! FLASH! NEWSFLASH!!!!!!! Yeah, there's a newsflash. Here at Rodent Report, I am arguing with the camera crew! They point out our idiotic mistakes and make us look like idiots! I now start a rebellion! Who is with me???? WHO IS WITH ME?????!!!!!!!!!

Camera/stage crew- Shut up, Ears! We got a job to do!

Ears- Oh, yeah? Well, I got something for you!!!!!*Punches the camera lens and breaks it*

Camera- Beep.

PLEASE STAND BY

Cheezer- *straightens screen* Well, now for the rest of the episode, we will be in black and white, since this is the only camera left at the second hand shop. Lucky radio listeners, you don't have to worry about this. Well, as I was saying, on to Pat with sports.

Pat- Okay, so the Stink Skunks are still in the Major Rodentia Soccer League, but after a grueling match with the Couraged Guinea Pigs, they have been sent to the bottom of the league. Can they climb their way back up? Will they lose their hopes and dreams? Will the Rodentia Rabbit Feet ever play again? Stay tuned to find out!

Cheezer- Nice one, Pat. Now, Snickers the Anteater and Co. is a proud sponsor of the Major Rodentia Soccer League. So an announcment from Snickers the Anteater is necessary.

Snickers- Meep meep meep, meep meep, meep.

Cheezer- Nice. Well, it's time for this show to end, which we all hate. Well, until next time, this is Cheezer, signing off.

*jazzy ending music*

Rodent Report (Volume 2)

Welcome back! We hope you are forgiving for the delay, but we got it up anyways, right? Well, rodentians went WILD over the last report, so now we got another exciting edition! Get ready, get prepared for....

Rodent Report

Cheezer- Welcome back to another exciting edition of Rodent Report. I'm Cheezer, your host. But you should all know that by now. Today we shall be covering everything in the last edition, plus more. More detail, more news, more sports, more,more, MORE!!!!! Mwuhahahahaha!!!!!!!! I shall rule the world! I shall-

Stage crew- Calm down!!!!!!

Cheezer- Oh. Oh dear. I am standing on my desk, I hope I did not frighten anyone. It must have been that all you can drink Pepsi stand on the way in. Gotta avoid that stuff. Well, here's Ears with the news. Over to you, Ears.

Ears- Goooood evvvvvvvening! Here's Ears, bringing you the news! Today our story is not lost in a pile of junk paper, so say this with me: "Ears is DA rabbit!" Go Ears, go Ears, go Ears.....

Stage crew- Get on with newsflash!!!!!!

Ears- Oh, right on! I'll just take it from- WAIT!!! My newsflash is gone! Oh, no! It must have flown away while I was celebrating for NOT losing it! Bad, stupid Ears!!!!!!! Back to Cheezer! BACK TO CHEEZER!!!!!

Cheezer- Okay, while Ears is gaining sanity, I'd like to have a brief musical moment by Ratzo and Rizo Rats. They are performing "Ratzopurple and RizoPinkie" which was released onto CD by our sponser, Snickers the Anteater and Co.! Now, live from out studio, it's Ratzo and Rizo!

Ratzopurple and Rizopinkie,
Were a very dorky couple of rats,
As housing builders, high-tech employees,
And when they’re bored, they are weavers of mats.

We hardly ever see a ray of sunlight,
We only see the light of a computer screen,
We are working for Microsoft, and Sony too,
And love to see the sales of their awesome machines!

When our boss is looking for a helping hand,
Since sales are decreasing ever a lot.
We will hear his cry for someone’s help now,
And there we will be! Right on the spot!

And then he will say with a voice full of glee,
“I’m so thankful for your help to me!”
And then we’ll be gone from his office like that!
Then the company will say, “It’s that honorable rat!”

It was Ratzopurple, or Rizopinkie,
And there’s nothing at all to be done about that!

Ratzopurple and Rizopinkie,
Are top of the class at bein’ real sneaky!
And some days they are full of dullness,
And then the next they are crazy and kinky!

We’ll go through the office like turning power on,
And we’re never noticed, since we’re undergrowth!
Was it Ratzopurple or Rizopinkie?
Or could you have sworn that it was fixed by both?

And if you hear a glitch go boom!
Or there’s high speed Internet so your laptop can zoom!
Or if a virus simply goes ping!
From a site that sells the vases of Ming.

Then the company will say,
It was fixed by which rat?

It was Ratzopurple,
AND Rizopinkie,
And there’s nothing at all to be done about that!

Cheezer- Beautiful song your two! Now, I think Ears has stopped sobbing like, like, like, well, you know. Even if you don't, back to Ears.

Ears- Hello again. I have found my report, and it has some dirt, grass stains, and some pigeon....ew. Well, if you look around the white stuff, it says to mark your calendars, since April 30th is Honor your Mayor Day! In celebration, my sweetie, Minksy (owner of the Rodentia Random and Fun Fact File) is going to give us some random facts strait from the files themsleves! Over to you, Minksykins!

Minksy- Aww, Ears, you big doof. Well, here's Minksy on the air, bringing you the facts! I have dug (and dug and dug) in my files, and here are some random facts about the holidays. Some may think these facts aren't so fun or are way too random, but you're listening to this radio show, so you asked for it! Well, anyways, here are my random facts:

1. Rodentia has no clear mayor to honor, but the local town that might become part of Rodentia someday has a mayor, Mayor Ooter of Ottertown! He is 100% fine with being honored by the residents of Rodentia.

2. Honor your Mayor Day started when the first mayor of Rodentia, Swiss von Maustail, wanted a bit more respect from the locals.

3. Von Maustail made it clear that you may not eat American cheese on Honor your Mayor Day. It is said that this rule is here because his stomach couldn't take the cheese properly. Our own reporter, Cheezer, is supposedly the heir of Mr. Von Maustail, and that is why he has the same problem, yet it happens more suddenl-

Cheezer- That's quite enough, Minksy! And you did not hear that, all you listeners. Don't speak of it! I demand! Now, it's Pellet's turn, and he shall be telling us the entertainment for tonight. It's over to you, Pellet!

Pellet- Thank you, Cheezer. Okay, listen up, folks. The legendary band, Mousetallica, has--I hope you're sitting down, espeicially if you are driving, since you can't really view the front window while standing, and something quite bad could happen......back to the subject. Mousetallica is playing at the Squirrel Square Park Stadium. MOUSETALLICA!! IN CONCERT!!! SOME KIND OF MOUSE! CHEESE STICK! ST. CHEEZER! All playing! Buy your tickets! They'll run out quickly, so buy them now! But listen to this announcement full way first! I'm part of Mousetallica! And Cheezer! Plus Pat and Pux! We're all playing in it, and you thought we were just little furry newsreporters, didn't you? HA!!! Then you were wrong! We won! Humans lost! HA! HA! HA! hahahahahahaha!!!!!! Now, let's see how many tickets are still for sale.
Sorry, folks, all sold out. You should have bought them while you could instead of listening to this stupid announcement. But I told you to listen to it full way! Oh, I'm such a bad boy! Bad Pellet, bad, bad, BAD!!!!!!! Sorry. I shall go into this corner for now. Back to *sniffle* Cheezer...

Cheezer- Don't feel bad, Pellet. It's our band, we can give others tickets. It'll be all right. Now, we have a special guest that will be with us every once in awhile. If we kept the same headlines all the time, we'd be dull. These rodents want difference, excitement, surprise! Here's our surprise guest, Alfred the Kinkajou with Ask Alfred. Now, let's get some answers, Alfred!

Alfred- Thank you. Today, we have the following letter:

Dear Alfred,

I've been planting flowers around my house, but they keep dying. I give them sunscreen, shade, milk and juice, occasional snacks, and massages. They keep on dying. Now my friends are coming over for a fancy dinner in 2 weeks! How do I make my garden grow?

Signed,
Not-so-much-of-the-green-thumb

Hmm. Common problem. But ah, plants do not wish snacks, juice, or a massage. Water and sunlight are the keys to a beautiful garden. That was Ask Alfred. Back to you, Cheezer.

Cheezer- Well, duh, doesn't everyone know that? Why didn't you choose the one about lion training, flying, or dancing the tango? Well, it's your part, but keep it interesting! Last but not least, here's Pat with sports news.

Pat- Uhh, I dunno. Back to you, Cheezer.

Cheezer- This show is a failiure! Pellet weeping, Ear's losing his paper, Pat forgetting his lines, Alfred going dull, and Minksy making me look like an idiot! Well, since I'm the only one standing, I'm going to go down to that corner, and get in a little sobbing before the Mousetallica show. Oh, and you can have free entry, since you couldn't buy your tickets. Well, until next time, this is Cheezer, signing off.

*jazzy ending music*

[This show was brought to you in part by Snickers the Anteater and Co. Meep, meep, meep, meep!]

Rodent Report (Volume 1)

Here ye, Here ye!

It's Pellet and Cheezer on the air! Bringing YOU the latest of rodents! That's right! Here on the new radio station, Rodent Report, you'll hear the hottest rodent songs from the coolest soundtracks, daily (or weekly) news from the smallest city in the world, Rodentia, world of rodents, critters, and the sort. (Really, it's like the size of a human bedroom.) So, well, erm, that's pretty much it. Now, *ahem* Pellet and Cheezer, action!

Cheezer- Good evening lemmings and gentlemice-

Backstage crew- Ladies, gentlemen!!

Cheezer- Oh. Well, whatever. You forget a thing or two when you're a rodent. Okay, newsflash from our reporter, Ears rabbit!

Ears- Goooood evvvvvening! It's Ears here, bringing you the news! Okay, here's our story, umm, no, here it is, *looks through paper pile* Ah, yes, here it is! Now, onward! We are reviewing George the Hamster, award winning author of the new hit, I'm a Hamster, nothing less. So, George, what gave you the inspiration to write this fantastic novel?

George- Well, erm, uh, I wanted to, uh, tell the world that um, hamsters are great. Yeah, that's right.....

Ears- Very, very emotionable. Did you hear that, listeners?

George- No, it's nothing, I only wanted to, to, to, um, to let listeners know that it was a hamster who founded Rodentia. Sir Pellet Von Hamstergold.

Ears- 'Kay, whatever. That was a newsflash from Ears. Back to you, Cheezer.

Cheezer- Thank you, Ears. Now, everyone read I'm a Hamster, nothing less today! Or tomorrow. Or whenever you get to the bookstore or library or something. As our crew fixes up for the next part of the show, please enjoy a musical moment by Rosa and Flinch Guinea Pig. As always, they shall sing the new hit song, Flinch the Psychologist Rat, created with the help of our sponsor, Snickers the Anteater and Co. Hit it, Flinch!

"Flinch is the rat at the psychologist's door,
He's scared of everything, even the floor.
His real name's Asparagus, but he is afraid of that too,
So we usually call him just Flinch.

He is vegetarian, so he won't eat steak,
Since he suffers from frostbite, which makes his paws shake.
Yet he did in his youth make the best meats in the land,
But now he's terrified of flames and of pans.

For he isn't the rat that he was in his prime,
Yet in adventure and cookery his name was as sharp as a lime,
For he was a hero, and a famous cook too,
He'd save a street rat from starving, help a young mouse tie his shoe.

But his grandest adventure, as he loves to tell,
Was beating the leader of weasels, 'till his army fell.

I have cooked, in my time, every possible dish,
And I used to know 70 recipes with fish.
I'd spice it up properly, so it was evenly spread,
Then surprised my best chum with supper in bed.

And I knew how to help,
With my ears and my tail,
With an hour of warm up I never could fail.

I had a pan that would delight, the hardest to feed,
Whether I was the help cook or I took the lead.

Now I scream by the bedside of poor little Nell,
When I thought I was steady I fell off the bell!
And when seasoning was short, my cooking never fell flat,
And I once filled the stomach of Duke Ellington's rat.

But my grandest adventure, as history will tell,
Was when I beat the leader of weasels, 'till his army fell.

Now if someone will give him a pinchful of juice,
He will tell how he once saved a forest of spruce,
After a mouse once saved from a whole pack of cats,
A mountain expert then said the need for a rat.

And I think that these small rats, they are not as trained,
As we were in the days when clouds were white when it rained.
They don't learn what to do when they're faced with a cat,
And all I can say is, "Those lucky small rats!"

And he says as he uses his claws to scratch his fur,
"Well, all the rescues are certainly not what they were."
These modern stories are all very well.
But there's noting to equal from what I hear tell,

That moment of history,
That was none but a mystery,
Beating the leader of weasels,
'Till his army fell."

Cheezer- Welcome back! Let's give the two hardworking Guinea Pigs a round of applouse! Unless, you're listening to this while driving, in which I do not advise taking your hands and mind off the road if you wish to avoid an accident. Anywho, now a word from our sponser, Snickers the Anteater and Co.!

Snickers- Meep meep meep meep, meep meep.

Cheezer- Very nice, Snickers. I'm sure our viewers are delighted by your clear anouncement. Now, onto Pellet with entertainment for tonight!

Pellet- At Ferret Close Theatre, there will be two performances of RATS. If you pefer some cool hip hop music, Cavy Road will be hosting a concert from Cavys, which is playing from their newest CD, Groundhog Days. Plus, The Hamster Opera is showing a performace of Les Mice, and are selling prime front row seats in the middle at half price! Buy them now!!!!! Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Quite a selection. I'm hittin' Cavy Road after this, I love Cavys!!! Well, Pat the groundhog has sports news. Over to you, Patricia.

Pat- I'm MALE! So It's PAT! Not PATRICIA!!!! Oh, sorry there, listeners. At Squirrel Square park, the Rodentia Rabbit Feet beat the Stink Skunks 38 to 72. Oh, wait, then the Stink Skunks won. Darn it, I like Rodentia Rabbit Feet. Now to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Well, listeners, all good things must end. Which stinks on ice!!!! Well, goodbye, until next time....

*jazzy ending music*