Rodent Report (Volume 4)

Hiya, welcome back to the show! I'm suprised we even made it this far, most rodent radio shows go out out of businiss by now. I guess we're better than them, and it feels good to be better. Well, get ready, and be perpared for........

Rodent Report

Cheezer- Zzzzzz.....zzzzzz....zzz- oh-what-when-where-WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE? BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE CAMERAS! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF PRIVACY?!?!

Stage crew- Shut up, it's Rodent Report time!

Cheezer- Ooopsies. Welcome back to another edition of Rodent Report! I'm Cheezer, your host who did not just see me freak out. I also was not sleeping on the job. Well, maybe, but not deeply. Just resting my eyes. Yeah, mice need the extra sparkle, yeah, yeah, I like cupcakes, yeah, yeah, do you, yeah? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Stage crew- You're hopeless. Pellet, take Cheezer's spot for now.

pellet- Okay. *Goes on set* Hello, and welcome to another exciting edition of Rodent Report. I'm Pellet, your substitute host. To get this over quickly, here's a newsflash by Ears. Your turn Ears.

Ears- NO! I refuse to give my newsflash. It's a free country. IT's A FREE COUNTRY, DARN IT!!!!!!

Cheezer- *wakes up* SHUT UP EARS AND GIVE THE STINKING NEWREPORT!

Ears- NO!

Cheezer- YES!

Ears- NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Cheezer- Yes, Yes, YES!!!!! *pounces on Ears and begins tugging*

Ears- AHHH! Don't pull my ears!

Cheezer- I'll put on your ears if I feel like it!

Pellet- Well, I'll give the newsflash, i guess. *straightens tie*

Guinea pig found guilty of Theft

THE BRIGHTINGS, RODENTIA- Yesterday at Paro's Pillows for all Purposes, the guina pig Hank Kerchief was caught stealing pillows. When we forced him to spill the beans, we got invaluable information.

"Fine. I was going to stuff the pillows with caffine powder and get high for the heck of it. The ferret Krystal Shanda Leer designed the whole method after watching "Wait until Dark". Not giving anything else."

And he didn't. The Possum Police left the scene in attempt to find miss Krystal Leer. As for Hank, he's going down as history as the first cavy ever behind bars. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Wow, Pellet, that was incredible. And back over to Pellet for tonight's entertainment.

Pellet- Already? Aw, fine. Well, The signups have been filled, and tonight at the Fenic Fox School of Dance, the first annual dance competition will be held. The way the dancers are going? Dance Dance Revolution. There will be only versus, no doubles. The songs will get harder as they go, and here are the matchings for round one:

Cheezer vs. Minksey, performing "Oops!..I did it Again"
Flinch vs. Pux, performing "I Will Survive"
Howl vs. Pat, performing "Get Busy"
Sella vs. Screaming Mimi performing "Geine in a Bottle"
Ratzo vs. Rizo performing "speed over Bethoven"
Mandy vs. Cousin Pawn performing "Walk Away"

The matches for round two? Only time will tell. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Well, considering that I'm insane, Ears is refusing to do anything but whine and moan that his ears hurt, and Pellet's done the whole show, I think we should wrap it up. Your ideas, Pellet?

Pellet- Swell idea.

Cheezer- Well, goodbye until next time on another Rodent Report!

*jazzy ending music*

Rodent Spotlight

(A whole Report Article couldn't fit into the show. Well, since everything from the show must be typed, we are putting it up anyways. )

[Now, for your host, Mandy the Fennic Fox!]

Welcome, and thank you for listening. This is my first spotlight, and I had to think about it. My best friend, Howl the wolf? Pellet the hamster, my bud who I always count on to eat the leftovers from Howl's many steak dinners, or Flinch, the guinea pig who seems to be ignored? I took a mock poll, and didn't tell the public it was backwards. Here were the results:

Howl: 23 votes
Pellet: 56 votes
Flinch: 3 votes

So Flinch won. I interviewed him personally, asking him about his house, job, friends, all the like. I took careful notes as Flinch explained his story to me. Here is what you would see in my notebook, put in full sentences.

Flinch's History

Flinch was born on Friday the Thirteenth, 1999. He doesn't remember the month, but he would like to think it's May. He says he likes the month of May. Warm outside, with lots of pretty flowers. But he doesn't like to remember which month for certain reasons. He had 2 sisters and 1 brother. They were Lilly, Liz, and Hank. His mom's name was Gretta Guinea Pig, with his dad being Calvin Cavy. He truly was named Dare. "I was daring when I was younger, very good at cooking for the family, and rescuing my siblings from the other pets," Flinch said. When his current owners took him home, he was renamed Flinch, since he suddenly got nervous going to a different house. Here are Flinch history Fast Facts:

1. Do you recongize something about his younger personality? That's right, Flinch the Psychologist Rat was based on his younger days, full of rescues and cooking.

2. Flinch used to be all brown. When leaving his siblings and mom, some of his fur turned pale. He got pale too often, so now parts of him are pure white.

3. Flinch used to not be afraid of groundhogs, until he met his newest sibling, Pat.

Now, onto everyday Flinch.

Flinch works at The Fluff Factory, where soft, safe machines are used to make pillows and quilts. He uses some earnings to continue his psychology lessons. He lives in a clean, neat, and bright apartment in the Eastern side of Rodentia, the Brightings, with his friend, Rosa. They have much in common, since they are both afraid of rubber bands. They use chopsticks to pick up all bands and properly place them in the recycling. They don't throw anything away, since they think it hurts the poor rodent empire more than needed. Rosa also has a job, she is a popular rodent author. On the rodent newspaper, which you are reading this very instant, you can sometimes find her stories. She is trying to earn a Rodent Red Carpet award for best author, but is in competion with the author of I'm a Hamster, Nothing Less. They still live in this apartment, and are still working to improve it.

(You can go to the first Rodent Report to read the poem about Flinch's life: "Flinch, the Psychologist Rat.")

Rodent Report (Volume 3)

Here's Rodent Report again! Today, we'll try to not have so many weeping rodents, both broadcasters and listeners laughing their heads off at our forgetfulness. We are still going to try to have you laugh your heads off, but not in such a sad way for us little reporters. Well, now, it's time for.....

Rodent Report

Cheezer- Welcome back! The Mousetallica concert was a hit, so I'm feelin' good! We are NOT going to mess things up this time! It'll be great! This is going to be the best Christmas pageant ev-

Stage Crew- Best VOLUME ever!!!!!

Cheezer- Oops. Well, you get my point. Now, to Ears, with Nation Rodentia News. Your turn at the mic, Ears.

Ears- Gooooood evvvvvvvvvvvening! Here's Ears, bringing you the news! Today's story is how to address Mayor Oooter when he's eaten too much chocolate....this does not sound right. This is to be for volume 4's Ask Alfred! Wait, did I give something away? If I did, ignore me as I fly to the trees and fight the birds for my newsflash. *Uses ears to fly into trees* *Snatches paper from robin* *Listens to birds complain and flies down*
Now, here we are. It says, "Guinea Pig rescued from tall building by a quesadilla."
Mr. Lynn Guinea Pig was rescued yesterday by his wife's cooking. He was repairing the roof of their apartment building and slipped. While he was hanging on and too scared to say a word, his wife threw up a chicken quesadilla and he screamed from the burning, since it was fresh from the oven. Helicopters heard the ear-piercing scream and took the poor guinea pig to safety. In his honor for surviving the terrifying height, a party was thrown shortly afterwards, serving none other than his wife's chicken quesidilla. Sadly, Mr. Lynn did not attend the party, for he was in his first of a long line of therapy sessions. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- You know you can catch a remake of that on the popular rodent show 'Rodent 911'? Well, now I would like to have Nibbler the rabbit give us a book review on a new popular book by Rosa. Your turn, Nibbler.

Nibbler- Good day. I and my sweetie, Nibblet, run the Rodentia bookstore and library, which is half bookstore, half library. No wonder we have to run it together. Well, I just read the new book by Rosa De Guinea, which has been out for only 1 month and has already won the Newsnickers award. I'd like to interview Mrs. De Rosa, since all rodents who read this book will be taken by its plot of a young guinea pig's friendship with a young anteater. Can you guess which book it is?

Nibblet: Huckleberry Flinch.

Nibbler- You're right, Nibblet. It's Huckleberry Flinch by Rosa De Guinea. She also wrote the bestsellers Tom Cheezer and Ears of Green Gables. She also wrote the book A Guinea Pig's Guide to the World Around You: Groundhogs, Traffic, and Rubber Bands. Now it's time for Rosa's interview.

Rosa- Good afternoon. I'm Rosa, writer of Huckleberry Flinch. When I saw guinea pigs who were afraid of the color yellow become such good friends with anteaters, I got inspired. Yet some brave, strong rodentians don't see how perfect anteaters and their majestic 'meep' are. This book tells you that the names can change when it comes to the true meaning of friendship. Back to Cheezer.

Cheezer- Beautiful. Rosa has really got herself a talent to be proud of. Wait, I sound mature! This can't be! I'm supposed to sound stupid! As I get my act together, here's Pellet with the night's entertainment. Now to Pellet.

Pellet- We'd like to say that Goldenham Park is hosting a Cheezer concert and Maustail Stadium is playing Snicker's and Putt's Ye Olde Country Bande. Movies at 7:30 P.M. at Mouse Movie theatre are as follows:
Theatre one: Cheeks
Theatre two: Harry Acorn and the Chamber of Cheese
Theatre three: Mean Squirrels
Theatre four: Mice Age
Theatre five: Ratso Horror Picture Show
Theatre six: Cheese Kong

Auditions for The Phantom of the Rodent House are still going on. Apply while you still can! And The Hamster Theatre still needs a ValMaus for its production of Les Mice. Oh, and some rabbits are needed for Ze Stinke Cheese Theatre's showing of Hare.

Cheezer- Very nice. I was in Cheese Kong. One of the screaming pedestrians. Well, it's time for our special guest, Screaming Mimi with Deep in Destiny. It shows your fortune for today! Now to Mimi.

Mimi- Ah!!!!!! It is Screaming Mimi, vith today's fortune. Ah, and vehold! Now, to my secret stash ov secrets. Todays fortune: "Ven you grow a foot, vhy don't you ave three veet now? All you do ish get tollar." Zat vas today's fortune.

Cheezer- 'kay, that was weird. And cut out the gypsie accent.

Mimi- Sorry.

Cheezer- Now on to Pat with sports. On t-

Ears- FLASH! FLASH! NEWSFLASH!!!!!!! Yeah, there's a newsflash. Here at Rodent Report, I am arguing with the camera crew! They point out our idiotic mistakes and make us look like idiots! I now start a rebellion! Who is with me???? WHO IS WITH ME?????!!!!!!!!!

Camera/stage crew- Shut up, Ears! We got a job to do!

Ears- Oh, yeah? Well, I got something for you!!!!!*Punches the camera lens and breaks it*

Camera- Beep.

PLEASE STAND BY

Cheezer- *straightens screen* Well, now for the rest of the episode, we will be in black and white, since this is the only camera left at the second hand shop. Lucky radio listeners, you don't have to worry about this. Well, as I was saying, on to Pat with sports.

Pat- Okay, so the Stink Skunks are still in the Major Rodentia Soccer League, but after a grueling match with the Couraged Guinea Pigs, they have been sent to the bottom of the league. Can they climb their way back up? Will they lose their hopes and dreams? Will the Rodentia Rabbit Feet ever play again? Stay tuned to find out!

Cheezer- Nice one, Pat. Now, Snickers the Anteater and Co. is a proud sponsor of the Major Rodentia Soccer League. So an announcment from Snickers the Anteater is necessary.

Snickers- Meep meep meep, meep meep, meep.

Cheezer- Nice. Well, it's time for this show to end, which we all hate. Well, until next time, this is Cheezer, signing off.

*jazzy ending music*